One of the things I struggled with after moving overseas was coming to terms with how my “day job” was defined. I came from nine years of IT work in a Fortune 500 company. My job was very neatly defined. I knew what was expected of me. I had yearly reviews and my annual raise was based on that review. I knew what was expected of me in order to get a promotion. I knew exactly where I fit in the organization.
Here, things are not so neatly defined. Early on there were days I would wake up and not really know what to do with my time. I struggled with understanding what was expected of me from an organizational stand point. Raises and promotions are things that don’t exist with my present employer. Organizational structure is not nearly as important as it once was (some might argue with this). I knew my overall task was to facilitate a CPM (church planting movement) among my assigned people group. That’s a little bit easier said than done. I was told that my first year was a “gimme”…that I just needed to focus on adapting to my culture, learn language, to not stress out too much. Again, that’s a little bit easier said than done.
So now, in my third year, I feel more comfortable with my “day job”. I understand my culture, I’ve learned the language, I don’t get too stressed out, but there’s still that uneasy feeling, that tension, between “working” and “living”. I’ve set up a charity organization, a non-profit, and the bulk of my relationships come through my charity. It eases the tension that I sometimes feel for not having a “real” job. I help small organizations with some of their IT problems. I do a little business training. I meet people. I engage them. I try to offer them something that will make their jobs (and lives) a little easier. But in the back of my mind there’s this tension, this question that lingers, what’s the path from helping these people to starting a church to helping to facilitate a movement.
Most days I do a good job of pushing that thought out of my mind…to focus on the individuals I meet, to be Jesus to them, and at the end of the day, hope that they are a little bit closer to Christ for having interacted with me.
June 30th, 2008 at 11:23 am
I’m in my second year and am just now transitioning to my “real” job. I struggle with two things. Like you I struggle with making time for the ministry side of work when I’m in the mode of the business guy. I also struggle with knowing the real truth about why I’m here. As much work as I put into my job…thats not who I really am. I don’t make a living off of this…it comes from somewhere else. I struggle with the fact that I’m really just making relationships because I have a different motive. Do these struggles go away?
June 30th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
Well, I definitely don’t know if I’m the norm or not, but these struggles haven’t gone away for me, or my wife. My wife struggles with the very thing you mentioned, and depending on the day you ask her she might say that the struggle seems bigger, worse, more, etc. now than it did early on.
Instead of the struggle going away maybe we’re to learn how to cope with it…I haven’t figured that bit out yet.
June 30th, 2008 at 9:16 pm
Well thats comforting in one sense…we’re not alone…not comforting in that the struggle seems to be endless.
Maybe it’s like the call to prayer I hear 5 times a day…annoying and bothersome but after some time it moves to the back of the mind and fades into the grey….quiet but occassionally popping up.